Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
