He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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