I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
