if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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