member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
