Betty ford says i'm here all night
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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