I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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