they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
