R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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