What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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