Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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