i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
