Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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