Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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