she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
