hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
