It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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