why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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