We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
