Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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