Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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