the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I understand Curling. That high.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
