Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
