Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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