In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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