Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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