just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
