shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
