the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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