she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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