I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
