That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
honey bunches of taint.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
