He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
