Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
