the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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