WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
