She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
