dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
