I like to think it a success when the cops are called
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
