Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

Fav 257 8832 2809
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...

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(727): View more from Florida

just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday

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(573): View more from Missouri

You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing

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(605): View more from South Dakota

IT'S PERFEFT

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

... what?

(605): View more from South Dakota

HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.

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