so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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