i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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