My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
