i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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