Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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