I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
