If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
