I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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