So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
