it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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