Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
