I am spending my child support on dildos
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
